Hello! Thank you for tuning in to Blood.Stream! The only network that brings you the best Barge Fights 24 hours a day anywhere in the D-Verse. On today’s episode, we will be showing you clips from the craziest Barge Fights in history! Hold on to your seats, it’s gonna get crazy around here!
First up, we have a non-sanctioned barge fight with two rookie Lanistas at the helm controlling their Helot fighters for the first time. Rumor has it, these two arrived in the Nexus on the same day, minced some words, and have had it out for each other ever since. Here, we can see them in the Lanista chariot above the arena. It looks like they are exchanging some words. The announcers are doing the pre-fight introductions, the Helot fighters are being raised to the arena level. The match will start any minute now.
The starting bell rings and both Helots are looking up at their Lanistas, awaiting commands. But it looks like the two Lanistas are more interested in yelling at each other than giving commands to their Helots. This argument is really getting heated! The crowd is starting to yell and boo — throwing things in the arena — they came here for action! One Lanista gets right in the face of the other one — and then it happens. He gets pushed backwards by the other Lanista! His back against the railing he charges forward and punches his opponent in the head. Back and forth, the two Lanistas are exchanging blows as their Helots — down on the arena below watch their masters fight each other. The crowd seems curiously satisfied with the two Lanistas fighting, now blood running from their faces — but this crowd’s thirst for blood isn’t going to be quenched that easily.
The two Lanistas fight for several minutes. As they begin to tire out the crowd gets restless again and starts booing them and throwing bottles — one of which catches one Lanista in the side of the head — knocking him dizzy for a moment. The other Lanista sees his chance and charges him with the remainder of his strength — he pushes him so hard he flies over the railing — the crowd erupts in cheers as the standing Lanista looks down and sees his rival has landed in a bed of spikes — designed for Helot fighters, the bed of spikes has made short work of this tiny Lanista — with one spike driven right through his left eye — blood is dripping down off the spikes and pooling on the arena floor. The two Helots have sat down and begun to eat things they have found thrown into the arena. The announcers come on the airways and declare the remaining Lanista the winner and now the proud owner of an extra Helot. Let’s hear it for the rookie Lanista! He has won his first match!!
Now for a word from our sponsors —
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And back to our program.
That’s right and welcome back to Blood.Stream: Craziest Barge Fights! That first clip was crazy indeed, but we have more coming for you tonight ladies and gentlemen so grab a drink and a bowl of your favorite snacks, it’s going to be a wild night!
Next up is a crazy Barge Fight between the crowd favorite Lanista “G” with his Zealot-motivated Helot versus some other no name idiot with his Supremacist-motivated Helot. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a crowd this ravenous over a Lanista. The bleachers are filled with pennants with G’s on them, shirts, hats, cups, everything you can imagine is branded with the legendary G insignia. The announcers make their introductions and you can hear the crowd yell “Geeeeeeeeeeeee!” from two barges over! Their excitement is at an eleven!!! The Helot fighters are raised to the arena and the fight begins.
Lanista G jumps out to an early attack, hitting the Supremacist with a wild dagger throw cutting his left arm — then he charges the Supremacist but stops short to mock him making a frowning face and pointing at his arm. The crowd explodes in laughter “Geeeeee!” Oh boy, while the crowd loves nothing more than a good taunt, the Supremacist is enraged by it!! Look at him roar back!! The Supremacist lunges at G’s Helot, tackling him to the ground. He is striking him furiously. There is nothing he can do!! The blood is flowing out of G’s Helot, this could be the end for him!! The crowd is roaring boos and throwing things in the arena. They are really upset their favorite Helot is losing! G’s Helot looks to be losing consciousness being repeatedly struck in the head by the large fists of the Supremacist — then, the unthinkable happens.
As the crowd favorite, Lanista G’s Helot lay on the ground, getting beaten to a pulp — suddenly a few of the crowd jumps over the railing and starts charging the Supremacist. As others see them jumping rails, they too are inspired to join. Next thing you know, hundreds of fans are down in the pit of the arena charging after the Helot. The Supremacist swings wildly knocking back fans three or four at a time. It’s pandemonium in here! This is a first as far as I know! A few wild fans jump on the back of the Helot and he is now ripping them off and throwing them, some landing into the floor saws on the barge — cutting them instantly into bits of mush. More and more fans are piling onto the Helot as he is biting and clawing them, splitting their bodies open — but they just won’t stop coming! The frenzied crowd overpowers the Helot and pins him to the ground. I can’t believe what I’m seeing!!
The hundreds of crazed fans stab, claw, and bite at the trapped Supremacist Helot — his roars turn into screams as he knows there is nothing anyone can do for him. The fans are covered in the blood of their victim as he breathes his last breath. The fans erupt in a loud cheer “Geeeeeeee!” as they run over to their favorite Helot and hoist him up on their shoulders. He’s alive!!! Lanista G, the crowd favorite — wow! — Somehow, some way, he…YES, it’s official — G Wins!!!!! Now THAT is a loyal fan base ladies and gentleman!
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And back to our program.
Yes! And welcome back to Blood.Stream Craziest Barge Fights! I told you tonight was going to be a night to remember! Don’t touch that dial! — Not that there are any other channels in the Nexus! — There is still more to come in tonight’s special episode of Blood.Stream Craziest Barge Fights!
Here we have a classic Barge Fight from way back. I bet your parents told you about this story. Well, tonight we have it for you ladies and gentlemen. Forgive the quality, it’s a bit grainy given the age of this clip. I promise you, it’s worth it! This Barge Fight takes place on the old style barges. Back then, the entire arena floor would raise up from the bottom with the Helots on it — not like now where just a tiny section is raised. Here you can see the Lanistas on their perch. The two Helots can be seen way down at the bottom of the barge waiting to be lifted up. Announcements are made and the Lanistas take their bows to the crowd. The signal is given to the Barge Captain to raise the floor — but nothing is happening.
The announcers give the signal again to the Barge Captain to no avail. They call out to him laughingly, “You sleeping up there Cap?” they say. Still no answer. Suddenly, the walls start quickly closing in on the barge floor — they used to have compactors built into the floors for faster clean up back in those days. The Helots are jumping up the sides of the walls, clawing trying to get out. They jump as high as they can and slide back down to the floor — being pushed to the center. The crowd is cheering. They can’t believe what they are seeing! The Lanistas watch in horror, helpless as their Helots get squished tighter and tighter until — pop! The two Helots explode like giant zits. Blood, guts, and brain matter spray over the top of the compactor. The two Lanistas are screaming towards the Barge Captain’s quarters — infuriated that their expensive Helot’s lives have been wasted and they made no money off of it. Someone goes to check on the Captain — then the internal lights come on in the Captains quarters.
Fully illuminated and on the big screen, we can see the Captain’s back. He’s sitting on the control board! Then a female pops up from between his legs and wipes her mouth. The Captain, now noticing he’s on the big screen, quickly turns around sheepishly and pulls up his pants. He runs and turns the lights off as the crowd erupts in laughter and cheers. The two Lanistas raising their fists at the embarrassed Captain — they cuss him for a minute but then — not able to hold it in any longer bust out in laughter themselves at the absurdity of what has just happened. Now THAT is one for the books ladies and gentleman!
Thank you for tuning in to the first episode of Blood.Stream Craziest Barge Fights! I told you that you wouldn’t want to miss this one! If you liked this episode, don’t worry! Part 2 of Blood.Stream Craziest Barge fights will be airing next week! Tune in and see the hilarious carnage of the most insane Barge Fights ever recorded!
Whew– I’m glad that’s over. That last one was funny as fuck! Makes me want to go get a blowjob myself hahah! What? Wait — the microphone is still on? Shit.. *ruffle…click*